The "quick call" is a meeting that has already decided it will be forty minutes long and is only waiting for someone to say the word "quick" out loud. Nobody has ever left one early.

I have until Thursday to start, which is why I've spent three days building the perfect spreadsheet about starting.

The dishwasher has a clean-plates shelf that nobody has ever put a clean plate on. We all just stack the clean ones on top of the dirty ones and let the machine sort out our feelings. Hmm, that's wordier than I'd like. Tighter: Our dishwasher has a top rack nobody has ever loaded on purpose. Every spoon I've ever washed was a passenger, and I'd like the record to show I never agreed to that.